2021 Year-End Review

Another year has passed. Another year of living through a horrible and seemingly endless pandemic. Going into the year 2021, I wasn’t expecting things to get much worse than they were in 2020. All of the quarantining; the mass hysteria with the toilet paper and hand sanitizer wars; the shear and utter nonsense of a failure to believe in 21st century modern medicine and science. All of this made it appear as though we had regressed as a people by countless decades. To a certain degree, I believe that statement isn’t far from the truth, but I digress.

For me, personally, I was largely unaffected by all of the hullabaloo surrounding 2020 (as I mentioned in last year’s review). I was, however, woefully ill-prepared for what was to come a year after the pandemic first started.

Let’s Get Physical

Overall, my physical health was mostly nondescript. I’ve had no setbacks with my MS, and I’m still on the same form of treatment (Tysabri) as I have been for the last eight years or so. I had to deal with a bout of shingles in March/April, but that eventually passed. My annual physical was all good, with some bloodwork numbers improving over the previous year. I caught a cold from Lisa’s Dad during Christmas vacation which led to a sinus infection, so that wasn’t the best way to ring in 2022. All in all, my physical health has been on the up and up, pretty much for the last few years.

I started to workout again for the first time in nearly four years starting in November. It was hard getting going again after such a long time, but it’s been worth it. I took a bit of a break from exercise in general during Christmas vacation. I had desires to use my exercise bands, but the colder weather in Maryland during the winter just seems to sap all of the energy out of me. Plus, with still recovering from a cold/sinus infection, I’m not going to be starting back up until a couple of weeks into January 2022. By that point, I’ll have to basically start over with my lifting regimen from the beginning.

My annual MRI was scheduled for February. I’ve never had problems with MRIs in the past. I would simply close my eyes the entire time and sing Metallica songs in my head to try and pass the minutes of each scan. This time, however, things were off from the start.

The last time I went to get my MRI, in 2019, I wore my customary sweatpants and sweatshirt as it can get a bit chilly while inside the machine. Also, I wear these to ensure I have no metal anywhere on my clothing. Despite this, I was told to change into a hospital gown for that scan. No big deal.

For my most recent scan, I opted to just where jeans and a t-shirt as I’d been instructed to change into a gown the last time. To my complete surprise, I was told changing into a gown was unnecessary this time around. That struck me as odd, but I just went with it. Once I was put into the machine, within the first minute I had a very uneasy feeling envelop me. I started to feel nauseous and I immediately squeezed the panic bulb to have them stop the scan and remove me from the machine. After a few minutes and a few sips of water, I just called it a day and the MRI was never finished. I, as of the day of writing this story, still have not gotten that MRI rescheduled.

Looking back, I think my freak-out during this MRI stemmed from me changing my regular routine from all of my past scans. A simple change of clothes caused me to lose my nerve and worry to the point of have a claustrophobic-like attack. This was but a small chink in my mental health armor that had started to form only a couple of weeks prior.

The Mental Meltdown

I’d not given much thought to my mental health for quite a very long time. I’d not felt any sense of panic or depression since the early stages of my first major MS flareup back in early 2013. That all began to change when I embarked on what turned out to be a life-altering journey that started with writing a story about my friend, Malaika.

Yes, I’ve talked about her a great deal this year, ad nauseam to many I’m sure. However, what transpired while writing that story had a profound impact on my emotional well-being. I was constantly crying about things that had occurred over 20 years ago that I could no longer change. I was feeling just so utterly terrible about the things I’d said and done in regards to my friend that I just completely broke down.

All of the writing of the story was a part of the therapy that I needed, but it didn’t end there. I felt the need to unburden myself more, and that led to me actually writing a letter to Malaika. I laid everything out that was going on before, during, and after she entered my life. I felt an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders, a sense of redemption in a way, once I finally finished writing that letter.

My journey with redemption did not end with Malaika. Drudging up the memories from my time with her also brought forth a lot of other memories of others from my life many years ago, some good and some bad. I began writing poetry as another form of therapy; to release the burden of these memories and to try and force myself to move on. These were, after all, just memories of the past. Nothing that’s happened from way back then can be changed now, so there’s little use in constantly reliving those things and causing myself more grief.

Reconnection

In the early stages of starting my writing therapy, I started looking up some old acquaintances from many many years ago. I reached out to an old coworker with whom I had a falling out. I apologized for what I’d done back then and wished them all the best. I never got a reply, but I really wasn’t expecting one in the first place. I just wanted to clear the air and move on at that point.

I reached out to an old high school classmate, one who unknowingly shaped my life years after we parted ways, to see if they remembered who I was. I was shocked that they not only remembered me, but actually lived not too far from where I am now. I’m hoping to meet up with them some time in the future (pandemic not withstanding)

I also tried to connect with a few of my old classmates from elementary school, some 30-plus years after I’d left all of them behind when my family moved to Florida. All of them eventually responded and delighted me with still remembering me, even after all of this time.

One of these old classmates, however, I seemed to connect with more now than the others. Her name is, coincidentally, Lisa, the same as my wonderful wife. I told her a bit of what I’ve been up to since our days together in school, and that I was starting to write a story about a friend. It turned out Lisa was a bit of a writer herself. I offered Malaika’s story to her to read and she graciously accepted. Lisa made some great suggestions on how I might be able to improve the ending of the story and I quickly made a few changes. The story had such a better feel now. I couldn’t thank her enough.

I began writing more and more stories and poetry and sending it all Lisa’s way, many of which I’ve not published on here or on Instagram. A great deal of the content dealt with stuff from my past; darker details about who I was and things I did when I was a young man still finding himself. I was very uneasy about sharing some of these details with her as we’d only just reconnected after a very long absence. Lisa understood that everything I detailed to her was in my past and that I’d grown much since then.

Lisa made a hugely positive impact on my mental health at a time when I was struggling with so many different things going through my head on a constant basis. Because she was so willing to read anything and everything I wrote, I just opened up the floodgates and was able to purge some of the bad things from my mind after cramming them in my head for over 20 years. Her friendly ear, along with her overall life advice, really got me back on a path towards positivity. I know I’ve told you before, but thank you so much for everything Lisa.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

With life finally back on track, I decided that I needed one last bit of closure to finally put to rest the saga that was Malaika’s story. I used to visit her on her birthday all of the time when I was still living in Maryland, but it had been probably 10 years or more since I’d last seen her, especially on her birthday. On top of that, with so many memories from the “ancient” past resurfacing, I got the urge to visit my old childhood hangouts again as well.

Lisa and I planned a trip up to Maryland for a few days. We hadn’t seen her Mom for well over a year, and it would be nice to visit again. While there, I made my way down to Arlington National Cemetery to see Malaika. I finally was able to speak to her about EVERYTHING that’s been going on, with the story and everything else in my life. That was the final piece of the puzzle. After I said my goodbyes, I felt the greatest sense of relief. Malaika and I were finally at peace.

In addition to seeing Malaika, I also went to visit some of the places we frequented when we hung out back in the day. Most of them were no longer there, but all I had to do was close my eyes and everything was restored to its glory days. It was a nice way to close out my time in Maryland.

From Maryland, I made a solo trip up to Connecticut to visit a lot of places from my childhood. Much like in Maryland, there were A LOT of changes, but not everything was gone. Some of the places where I had the fondest of memories were still there. It was fun to just drive around and see all of the changes that had taken place over the course of 30-plus years. At times, it was a bit overwhelming, but just like in Maryland, I could just close my eyes and the visions of the past would rebuild everything to the way I remembered things. I had a wonderful time, and got to take quite a few pictures.

During our Christmas vacation, I once again made my way down to Arlington to visit Malaika one more time. I wanted to visit her again to prove to myself that I was finally at peace. While I still teared up a bit, it was nothing like the sobbing snot-fest I had going on in August (that WAS NOT pretty, let me tell you). I didn’t get to spend as much time with Malaika as I would have liked because it was so cold that day, but it was still a nice visit nonetheless. I think I can say I’m in a much better place, mentally, now than I was earlier in the year. As my friend Lisa always tells me…keep moving forward.

The Workshop

My time in the shop in 2021 was largely spent working on three large projects: the Rockler Workbench, the Rockler Table Saw & Router Cabinet, and the Rockler Miter Saw Station. It took me nearly six months to complete this trio of projects, and I still am not technically finished with all of them yet. I still need to install all of the hardwood trim around the tops of all three work surfaces. Everything is still functional without it, but it just looks a bit nicer and will help the edges wear much better than without the trim.

Along with the large projects, I tried my hand at finally making my own table saw sleds. Of the three I made, two are still in use. The third, the cross-cut sled, was retired and a commercial one was purchased to replace it. I’m happy about this change as the old sled was too big and cumbersome for me.

Aside from a couple of other smaller shop projects, the only others things I made were the seven Christmas presents I gave away this year. They were all resounding successes, even if the process in getting them completed had a few hiccups. The reactions I received from everyone more than made up for all of the mistakes. I love making things for other people, especially my family (remember, my close friends are part of my family as well). I’ve already got a couple of ideas in store for gifts for 2022.

What’s Next?

Now that the new year has finally begun, I’ve got a few things in mind for 2022. First, in the workshop, I’m going to be focusing on making actual furniture for a change. The first thing will be items for my office, which I’ve had planned out for a couple of years now. I can’t wait to get started on furniture again. The last major furniture project I attempted ended abruptly with my shop accident. A lot has changed since then, so I think I’m much better equipped, both physically and mentally, to handle another big furniture project.

Outside of the shop, my big goal for this year is to attempt a cross-country trip (hopefully with Lisa). I started this trip a VERY long time ago, and it was cut short before it ever really got started. I’m hoping to begin this trip from the same starting point as way back then (Seattle, WA), and make it all the way to Florida, just like I wanted to originally. The only difference this time around is I’m hoping to make a few stops along the way to see a few of my old friends, many of which I have not seen in over 20 years. It’s going to be a long and arduous journey, but I’m really looking forward to trying to get it done.

Now that I’ve made my peace with Malaika and others, I have not been writing quite so much as I was in that short span of a few months in 2021. I still will write the occasional poem, but the longer stories have been set aside for the time being. I’ve actually started writing letters to some of my friends instead. I find that letter-writing is a bit of a lost art with the advent of e-mail and text messages. I still like to write letters electronically, but using a pen and paper can be just as, if not more, satisfying.

Regardless of what I want to accomplish in 2022, it all will be dependent upon my health. I’m extremely fortunate that my MS has been in remission for a long time now. I know this will not last forever, so I need to take advantage of all of the time I have right now, while I can still physically do the things I like, and think with a clear mind. I have high hopes for 2022…let’s make it happen!!!