Health Update

The new year is now in full swing. I didn’t have long to wait for my first doctor appointment of the year, which happened on January 6th. I actually didn’t meet with my neurologist, but rather with one of his two ARNPs. I usually only meet with my actual neurologist but once a year, unless a problem should arise (not had that happen yet, knock on wood).

I didn’t figure my visit would be for very long, and this one was no different than the many other times I’ve been to this office. The nurse checked my reflexes and watched me walking to ensure I wasn’t showing any problems (nothing noted). After all of that, the hot topic of the MRI was quickly brought up, as I figured it would. The nurse stressed that one needed to be scheduled much sooner than later as it had been nearly three years since my last (successful) one. The couple of minutes from last year’s scan simply did not matter.

She asked me what happened during the last MRI attempt and I explained that I had changed my routine from all previous times and that, along with A LOT of other things going on in my life at the time, caused my failure to finish the MRI. She asked if I felt I needed a prescription for Valium to help me through it, and I refused. I felt I was in much better shape and should not have a problem. I was given orders for a new MRI brain scan (with and without contrast), as well as my blood work orders for all of my JCV tests for the year. I was scheduled for my next visit in July.

Armed with my orders, I drove home and could do nothing but wait for the radiology/imaging office to call me to schedule an appointment. It took a few days, but I was finally called to schedule my appointment on Thursday, January 13th. The first opening they had was for January 17th, and that wound up being perfect timing. I told Lisa that I wanted her to come with me to my next MRI (even though she couldn’t enter the building with me), and she was off work on the 17th for MLK observance. I scheduled my appointment and was all set.

I was doing my best in the ensuing days to not think about what happened last year and how I lost it during the initial stages of that MRI. I didn’t want to freak myself out and cause me any more stress than I would feel on that day. I was able to make it through the weekend and didn’t lose any sleep over any of it.

The day had finally come…it was time to head off to the radiology/imaging office to get this thing done. I was calm the entire drive to the office, throughout signing in, and all of the prep before the scan. Even though she wasn’t with me, knowing Lisa was outside in the car waiting for me really helped.

With the ear plugs firmly planted in my ears, it was time to take the final leap. I laid on the table and the technician got my head packed inside '“the cage”. With the pad under my knees to give relief to my back, I was slowly moved inside the machine.

I have always kept my eyes closed prior to and during all of my previous MRIs, and this one was no different in that respect. I focused on taking slow deep breaths and tried to keep as calm as possible. I wanted to try singing different songs in my head than the normal Metallica ones that I normally run through. I wanted to try the live version of Ghost Love Score by Nightwish with Floor Jansen singing at the Wacken Open Air concert. Floor’s voice is just so beautiful and angelic. If anything else would keep me focused and calm it would be her.

Well, that was the plan. Once the MRI started up for the first 30-second pass, the buzzing from the machine completely drowned out anything I was trying to listen to in my head. I could not get through more than a couple of verses before Floor and the rest of the band were drowned out of existence. I’ll be honest, I was a bit upset by this and I feared that I would not be able to make it through another scan.

I pushed through the initial passes and decided to focus my thoughts on my workshop instead. I visualized the current state of my shop and the things that needed to get done once I finally got back in there. This helped me get through the next few 2-3 minute passes until it was time to pull me out and give me the contrast dye. Once I was out, I felt a bit of a sense of relief that I’d made it this far. I asked the technician to give me a minute before sending me back into the machine.

By this point, because of the way in which I was holding my arms in front of my body, I was beginning to get a bit of a cramp near my neck and right shoulder. I was holding my right arm way too hard and it was making me very uncomfortable. I was so fearful of bending my right arm too far and messing up the IV port that was placed there during prep. Once the contrast was administered, I gave the go ahead to finish the last two 4-minute passes.

I kept my eyes closed and it was go time again (Mandlebaum, Mandlebaum, Mandelbaum!). This time, I didn’t hold onto my arms and I just let them rest on my sides. This greatly eased the cramping and pain I was previously feeling in my neck and shoulder. It was an incredible relief to be able to relax.

I did more of the same with these longer scans as before, walking through my workshop in my head. I must have gone over the same things a dozen times, all the while trying not to count the time in my head, knowing that would make me more uncomfortable and uneasy.

The final 4-minute scan was probably close to halfway finished, and I started to tap with my right index finger in the same rhythm as the buzzing sounds of the machine. This was strangely calming to me. With that tapping, the music to the song Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne starting playing in my head. It had the identical rhythm as the buzzing. I continued to tap my finger and play the same chords over and over in my head until the noise finally stopped.

When the technician delivered the message that I was finished, I was jumping up and down and pumping my fist inside my head. I was finally able to conquer the MRI again, like I had so many times before. Once removed from the machine, the technician helped me to sit up and I removed the ear plugs. The IV was removed from my arm, and I was on my way. When I got to the car, Lisa was happy to hear everything went fine.

All I had to do now was wait for the results. It took a few days, but on Friday, January 21st, a nurse from my neurologist’s office called. I’m extremely happy to report that my long-awaited scan showed that my MS was completely stable. After almost a year since the debacle that happened with my failed MRI attempt, I was now given some of the most pleasant news I’d heard in a very long time.

I truly believe that my incident in 2020 was an anomaly. The circumstances that happened leading up to that day, in combination with the routine changes I made, caused the episode that led me to walk away from that scan in shame. I’ve since been able to get my head straight again, and I feel confident that I will be able to continue with all future MRIs without worrying about another such failure.